I am a Irish Gate Keeper called Donn Ui'Midir, of the peoples of the Tuatha de Danaan. You die, I put you where you belong if you're assigned to me. You can stay at my place for a while as you acclimate to your new way of existence. In all likelihood, I'll have taken over your mind just before you died; and forced an illusion onto you that was far more pleasant than your actual death. Our kind can do that, though white washing your death is not always the case. Some times some of us will do the opposite, depending on what we think you deserve.

My place is in the Low Etheric. It looks much like Earth, though none of the old rules apply. It is a low density location where form is not necessarily static. One can look like anything they want. One can eat, or not. One can feel, or be insensate. One can travel at the speed of thought, and materialise anything they can visualise. One can even become perception alone, and not have a form; but few choose to do this at such a low level as this. . .having just come from a place where having a form is par for the course.

I was sitting on a couch at my castle on the isle of Tech Duinn, which means 'The House of Donn' in my first language. I had a. . .um. . .nose. . .oh gods, A WOMAN (for the time being) called Stephanie at my side; and the Greek version of me called Thanatos beyond her. We were under a couple of blankets in front of a fireplace, and we all had either tea or hot cocoa in hand. It was as cold as anything, and we were all quite aware of it, having 'turned our senses on'.

Get uncomfortable to get comfortable. This was Stephanie's addiction. My paradoxical mortal love who I rescued from an attempted suicide in her early daze, who couldn't forget me; and ended up seducing me into adopting her in the most unusual way. . .which I think I'd rather not get into right now. . .or ever again, for that matter.

Stephanie said, "My nose is cold."

I said, "You could put a sock on it."

She had one arm around me, and a teacup in the other hand. She inhaled the steam, and had a sip. "We don't have any that are big enough, and it would interfere with my tea."

I ran my fingertip down that rather large proboscis she was so proud of. "True. Thank you for just settling for warming up like this and not coming up with any more hair brained schemes like riding on the beach in negative five degree weather Celsius, just so we could get relief from the discomfort by jumping in the whirlpool. The horses will never forgive you for that."

"I know," said Stephanie. "I won't ever do anything like that to them again." She paused. "Wait a minute! You mean the lengthy grooming sessions I gave them aren't enough?"

"No," said Thanatos. "They're too polite to inform you directly, but they bitch about it to us all the time. You know how they are. Cats on hooves."

"Looks like I'm gonna be an indentured servant to three equines for a while," said Stephanie.

"And how about us?" asked Thanatos. "Insisting we strip in that freezing hall before entering the steam heated room? I ought to get at least a hundred back rubs from you for that one."

"Yeah!" I said. "Me too!"

"That can be arranged," said Stephanie to me, with a wink.

I sighed. "Never mind. Just take care of the horses."

I got a raspberry from her.

Thanatos ruffled her hair. "When are you going to let go of your Earthly drives? They are such a nuisance."

"As soon as you two quit being the most gorgeous things I ever saw in my life," said Stephanie.

"You better not let Percy hear you say that," I said. "You've got that cat convinced he's the prettiest thing that ever walked. And you tell your pony the same damn thing, when you're not telling that to our horses."

"You know what I mean," said Stephanie. "For something that looks like a person, you are the most beautiful things in existence. . .of male gender, that is."

"Wise choice of words around here," said Thanatos, who had a sip of his cocoa. There had been whipped cream on top, but that's been gone for a while.

I put my teacup on the table to the side of me, and leaned into Stephanie; returning her embrace. I had to admit, I was getting a kick out of this moment. Snuggling under some nice warm blankets with my best buds in front of a hypnotic fire in the room of an ancient, mint condition castle was nice. The walls were tapestry covered stone, with strategically placed torches, and the ceiling was three and a half meters high in this particular room. The atmosphere was very peaceful, and the only noise outside of our conversation was the crackling of the fire.

Stephanie finished her tea, and the cup vanished into thin air; being she had no further use of it. She put her other arm around Thanatos, and pulled him a little closer to her. Soon she stroked our hair. "Can I tell you guys another joke?"

"Like we could stop you?" Asked Thanatos.

"True," said Stephanie.

"Of course, this is another one of your misanthropic ones, right?" I asked.

"That is my specialty."

"Go," said Thanatos.

"If I make you laugh, can I borrow you two to-night?"

We'd laugh. We always did. Stephanie was a whack-case, pretty entertaining company; and you'd never know what to expect. "I suppose so," I said with a false stoicism. I was actually eager to hear the latest tale.

"Gods, I hate children. I didn't have a virtual kid once. I never felt such loathing for an unwanted, non-existent intruder in my life. I called it Pemmican Del Sol the day it wasn't born, and it was a fitting name, for I had plans for it. Ahhhhhhhhhh, yes.

"About a year later I bought a 50 gallon fish tank, and drove to Furnace Creek in July. I had with me garlic powder, brown sugar, liquid smoke flavouring, some sea salt, and black pepper. I put the figment of my imagination in the tank at 10:00 A.M., and seasoned the soon to be fully sun dried bugger as it turned crispy brown. Quite tasty it was, but I must say I suppose I should be glad it was a virtual experience, for I might have been otherwise arrested." She held up her right index finger. "Of course, you must not take me seriously. I do NOT believe in torturing my food before eating it."

Me and Thanatos looked at each other. I think that was the strangest, most detached-from-reality thing I ever heard in my life. It took a moment for me to digest it, and I chuckled, as I shook my head. "Ye gods!"

Thanatos was trying to control himself, but failed. "Man, for that one maybe you and me should make out; and we should chain Stephanie to the wall so she can watch."

"You wouldn't!" said Stephanie.

"Oh, I don't know," I said. "Than, who gets their nose petted with a peacock feather first?"

"Since you put it like that, you."

I shrugged. "I can live with that."

Stephanie scowled. "If you do that to me, I'll never let you see my nose again!"

Thanatos exhaled histrionically, and put the back of his right wrist against his forhead. In a tone connoting hopeless despair, his said, "Oh, by the gods; we can't have that. How can we live a single day without a sighting of that regal beak?"

I winked. "I have a better Idea. Let's go to Tir na nOg, and have a picnic in the willow grove by that stream we like so much."

Thanatos kissed Stephanie on the forehead. "OK, let's."

Stephanie kissed both our noses. "Deal!"

(If my publisher wants this, this is the end of the book. I will write more, but the subject matter will be a bit more diverse.)