I just don't know what to draw recently... Another case of artists block? D:

Hell, I haven't even been writing as much latley. It's like my brain just kind of went flat? I dunno.

So I figure I'll go looking for some inspiration with a bike ride and a note book later. Maybe I'll find something interesting...

Hehe, I finally got some new clothes. I feel kind of bad asking for clothes (or anything else) with the way things have been recently... Especially since I'm already asking for a lot with the therapy and whatnot. But I needed clothes...

My mom is trying to get my dad in trouble for not paying impossible amounts of money. >w<; It's obnoxious because I need somewhere to live and food to eat too. But apparently the judge didn't think so... Apparently giving all of our money to my mom is more important than that?

But I guess when I think of it, whether I ask for new clothes or not doesn't make much of a difference with all of the other stuff my dad has to deal with... So whatever.

School starts soon. I want it to start because I'm bored and I miss my friends... And because I'm bored. I'm going to regret wishing that when it actually starts and I have to deal with schoolwork, homework, my own stuff, AND staying on top of the school so they don't kick me back a grade.

I don't even know what I'm going to do for bathrooms. I'll be kicked out of a girls room. (Or at the very least stared at by girls blabbing and fixing their makeup. I don't know why girls hang out in the BATHROOM (especially school bathrooms, ew.) though, but they do. Girls are so weird.) and there are boys who'll recognize me as a girl, and I don't need that either. Although there is a unisex bathroom in the nurses office... I'd have to explain my situation to the nurses hope they understand, and hope to gods that they keep that bathroom sanitary. I don't need to be getting sick. Though I'm probably going to avoid the whole thing as much as possible.

Oh yes, I'm probably going to end up talking with my councilor for an hour and a half about this stuff. I see it now. Her and her whole "This is a big thing for you to deal with." spiel, and me sitting back in the chair holding back giggles at the entire situation.

I don't hate my body anymore. I don't like that it's female, but it's not like there's anything wrong with it. I'm healthy, coordinated, with broad shoulders and big feet, and lucky enough to naturally have more testosterone in my blood than most girls. (According to my mom and aunt anyways.) although, I hate my hair... XD If it weren't so curly.. I mean seriously, you put gel in it and it curls up. D: And my err... Chest is small enough to bind down without too much restriction of breathing. XD; (Though I try to limit binding to when I go out, it's uncomfortable, duh.)

But I think what I'm saying is, even though my body's the wrong sex, I'm comfortable with it. Despite the curves and incredibly feminine eyebrows and shortness and stuff... It's not so bad really. Though I'm still really insecure about letting other people see it. And I wish I could run around topless with MAN CHEST but oh well. one day. XD

I'm not sure whether I want to take T yet or not. I will one day probably... But I don't think I want to take it yet. I don't really mind being mistaken for a 13 year old. And I can pass without it. (even my voice with some conscious effort.) So whatever...

My dad will be glad to hear that. He's been worried about the whole hormones thing more than me. It's only natural being that he's my dad. So yeah...

But just because I'm not sure about T doesn't mean I'm not sure about the male thing. Because I'm 110% sure that I'm a boy... Mentally anyways. Despite my feminine characteristics. XD I don't have to be macho to be a boy. I'd love to get my name changed. (And my legal gender changed, but oh the hoops you have to jump through for that. DX;)

I wish they could at least change the name on my files at school. So the teachers (and substitutes) won't call for a "Lorinda" first day and be dissatisfied when some boy raises his hand. Not to mention the act of doing so basically lets the whole class know that I'm a "girl" which sucks. Because as soon as a boy is a "girl" they start looking you over for all of your feminine features and crap. joy

But for them to do any of that, I'd most likely need to change my name legally first. And yeah. Fun stuff...

Done blabbing now.

~Riku