I'm sort of noticing a pattern right now. Not all the smokers in my school are assholes (in fact there are some very nice people who smoke that I know, even though I dislike that particular habit), but all the assholes, jerks, pains in the various body parts usually smoke, whether it's cigarettes or whatever they can get their hands on. It's just that...I don't like smoking in general, and this makes it worse, I think.

Actually, I don't really care whether someone smokes or not, so long as they don't smoke around me and don't get too close to me if they've still got smoke on their breath. I can't stand the smell, and it gives me nosebleeds and messes up my lungs because of my asthma.

And it worries me, too. My dad smokes, and my mom talks a lot about how she worries about secondhand smoke from him to her and my and my brother, but she's also so worried that something might happen to him. I want him to quit, but I don't think it'll happen. So I just want to hope that he'll be okay.

Onto other things...I feel mean in math class. I don't like that, either; I think I'm allergic to math, but I usually run screaming from it (literally). My teacher seems nice, though, and I believe I'm not acting very kind towards her. It's just...monotony. Like I couldn't care less (and I couldn't- this is a stupid waste of time of some math I will never use in my live) and want to make everybody else as miserable as I am.

There's also this girl in one of my classes- I don't know her name- but she keeps looking at me and this other girl I..."disrupt the classroom" with. It's a vocal music class, and our teacher is lenient, but she just kept looking at me, and then my friend brought up that she kept looking at her, too, so we're both like...er...okay...and continued to discuss badly translated English signs with other people. It's one of those really hard to interpret, hard to figure out what you're thinking stares. Sort of like when I glance over at someone I don't like wishing that the ceiling might misbehave and drop something on their heads glances. Except more intense. Maybe she's one of those people who really hate people who mess around in class. But we don't actually do to terribly; we don't talk when the teacher is talking, we are just a little too active before class begins.

Or maybe she's a flaming homophobe? I'm lesbian. My friend is bi. but see, how would she possibly know? So that's probably out of the question...

We're probably just weird.

To counteract my various dislikes mentioned, I enjoy grape juice, kayaking and bubble gum in a pouch.

(Warning, brief rant about something not many people care about up ahead)

I hate TSN. And every other stupid stupid stupid sports broadcaster in Canada. And I hate Rogers, because their stupid cable box isn't giving me what I *need*.

There's a frickin' Grand Slam on! Tonight! And fucking Safina's playing! And Nadal! And what're you showing? Two jacked up idiots beating the brains out of each other followed by cars goin' in circles! Yaaay!

I want to spam a sports network. I'm way too worked up and obsessed about it, but I think I can pass that off as passion to the uneducated bystander.

I hate you beer- drinking people who sit around watching boxing. Go to hell.

I hate zero-bombers. Uhm...

[zero bomber: somebody who votes badly on a submission just because it's at the top. see also asshole]

dumb setbacks. It's not going to change anything, but it's kinda like having your 80% in school drop to a 65% because you were at the top.

I dreamed I was frickin' pregnant last night. Like...I think I let someone impregnate me with a needle before I realized what that meant. And I remember this naked girl and a circus ring, too.

I'm in a sad mood cause of the zero bombing thing, but then I watched this movie...DEBS or something, and I'm not sure if it was the intended effect, but half the time I was laughing my head off...

Was it?

Yay! Richmond Hill! It's nice being home. I think I'm still kind of woozy right now, but I feel the need to document a brief history of my trip somewhere.

I arrived in Hong Kong August 7, some time in the morning, and went to drop off luggage at my place of temporary residence, and spend the next 3 days drinking tea with relatives whilst visiting them, visit relatives and go drink tea with them, and watching the Olympics.

Cousins...ah yes. First off, I've got these two awesome cousins, twin brothers, and they've each got these really cool BB guns that I got to shoot around with, and I played Metal Gear Solid on their PS3. So cool. They're like...29? Second, this little four-year-old dude who's almost as tall as my other little seven-year-old dude cousin. He is so cute! Like...this is this really cute kinda kid who's really hyper sometimes and sedentary at others. He...quickly got very attached to me and I ended up with this little hyperactive kid running circles around me every time I visited him. He's cute. =)

Speaking of cuteness and all, I met the most adorable girl halfway around the world- I'll call her L. She's related to my seven year old cousin (kid of dad's brother) but not related to me, at least not by blood (I'm not sure how marriage bonds relatives and all). She's about 3 years younger than me, December-born, comes from Holland, born and lives there. Isn't that frickin' awesome!?!? ...well, I was pretty worked up about it, but now I can say I know a Chinese kid who's Dutch and confuse the crap outta people I tell. Anyhow, she's so adorable, but in hanging around her, she's kinda clingy/touchy, a little annoying when she goes crazy about every single other remotely cute material item, etc, etc.

But yeah, she's pretty cute. And once again, I realized how immature my 12 year old brother is, because here's this girl who's a few months younger than him definetly acting her age and more, and this little boy who looks pretty tall but is- a little boy...

tragedy strikes. I get ill and end up with a fever and...various problems of the digestive system. Not pleasant, especially since I needed to fly home soon. But I take a lot of medications, sleep for a day, and it seems I'm okay now.

Right before I have to fly back, a typhoon hits and screws up all the plane scheduling. My flight was still on time though, and we were going to be late. Those goddamned police wouldn't let us through, and everything was all roped up. After dodging police and evading security and a lot of good luck, we manage to get to the gate...and have our flight delayed.

But I'm back. Yeah. And pretty darn happy about it.

http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/167558
(^Latest song/track thingy, finished right after I got home in about 15 minutes... vote 5? or at least don't bash? I try...)

All three Olympic women's tennis medals? You have tp be kidding me, Russia...

But then again, China's got 27-ish golds, and I'm pretty sure something's not quite right there.

Anyways- Safina! Dangit. She lost and I was sad for about 5 minutes until I decided she'd own everybody's ass at the US open.

I met this girl! ...this...Chinese girl who was born and lives in Europe. She's not related to me but I met her through my cousin. She's...interesting. But there's not a hope for anything here, first of all, because we live on the opposite sides of the Atlantic Ocean and- that's pretty much it, actually.

I've got a week left in Hong Kong before I fly back to Canada. I think I've gotten used to it, just as I'm about to leave...

My sunburn's still inna lot of pain. nuff said. Anybody know any good cures?

That's all. but this is a desperate situation.

This is ridiculous...I have never been in pain all over myself so much, but it happened. As it is bound to if you spend the day out on a yacht. That's a ridiculous word, isn't it? Like...yacht. Ya-ch-tuh. Think about it...

"I wanna buy a yaa...yach-t....ya-ch-tuh!?"
"You want a what? Hatchet?"

Yeah...I just say boat, it's so much easier and I'm unsure of how to say yacht anyways.

So today out on the sea, we took a yacht to the beach and hung around. There was this speedboat with this inflatable banana on it, and we hopped on the banana and zoomed around...but when I told other people at dinner, they were like huh? ...see, I think literally translated, I said I did something with a guy's dick or something, because slang is weird and I don't understand Canto.

You know those people, who you don't really have a sense of whether they're straight/ gay/ bi? The ones who seem really asexual? That irritates me sometimes, because then they'll be so insanely hot but you'll have no idea whether to hit on them or not, but you're really attracted to them anyhow? I don't like that.

No.

Hi. Has my English gone down the drain? I endured a 14-hour plane flight to Hong Kong a few days ago...I gained half a day(?) crossing the prime meridian, and I'm living with relatives. Everything's a lot smaller, so the house is about the size of my kitchen in Canada, and we're on the 33 floor.

Did I mention I hate heights? A lot? Ergo the plane/ridiculously high building-phobia.

Errk. I'm so f-ing glad everybody's English is lousy here so they don't understand me when I mumble to myself.

I'm hanging on to life right now watching the Olympics. That's all that's keeping me going...after walking to see relatives going "Oh! You're so big now!" for hours and walking to restaurants and through crowded streets filled with pickpockets, smokers and random pervy old men, I get to plop down like a sack of potatoes on the couch and watch people jump off diving boards and hit balls at each other.

Olympic tennis...I want this Russian girl to win. Safina. Unpatriotic, yeah, but I wanna see her win. And become number one.

Alright...I saw this humongous cockroach yesterday. Me no likey.

Ah, it's not bad here, but I can't wait to go back home. Really.

Until next time I get to use this laptop in this closet.

Which left me wondering, why, why, WHY is it that all the good dreams are always interrupted by some ridiculous reason?

Stupid brother. You owe me big time.

Alright, it was only that bad because I'm a sexually repressed teenager who isn't getting any...there was this girl doing stuff to me through my pants, that was hot. Such an unbelievable turn-on...I didn't know you could feel that way when you were asleep.

I think if I were a guy I'd have woken up and I'd have made a bit of a mess. Actually, I seem to recall she was some evil incarnate, and only I knew that and she needed to keep it a secret, so I blackmailed her into doing stuff...such a bad boy.
[I've been thinking of myself as a "boy" lately...I'm female and comfortable with that, I don't really want to be a guy, but I don't mind being called/calling myself a boy...in fact I'm actually sort of more comfortable with that. But I get angry if a friend goes "ooh, you're such a guy/man". Does that make sense? I just needed to get that out there.]
In the middle of that, my brother comes running up to wake me up to ask if he can play one of my computer games. Gah.

I go back to sleep.

Then my ex who I'm over finds me in the middle of a crowd and declares her undying love for me and we make out all over the place, whilst there's some invasion or shootout going on and everybody else is running around in something that looks like a swanky outdoor pool/lounge. We go and find somewhere quiet and stuff happens...
The mother comes up and rummages in my room for a book or something, waking me up. Point her in right direction, mom (at least) says sorry for waking me, tells her kid to go back to sleep.

So sleep again.
Holy hell, this time I have tennis stars with me. In a hotel room. And there is the weirdest tennis court in here, and I'm watching this Federer-Nadal-Sharapova-Henin showdown on this four-way court thing and there seem to be about ten or eleven balls in play. That's good tennis. Meanwhile, there seems to be 5 tennis playing bartenders whacking around glasses with bottles of wine, and I'm cuddled up to Safina in bed, who's sitting there drinking vodka out of a lamp? Henin's taken out Sharapova like a bug and Federer and Nadal are just duking it out now...this is the best tennis I've watched, the score's so close, it's so intense-

I awaken once more. This time, I just did, so I'm all "ah, screw this," and I get my lazy ass up to brush my teeth and wash my face and wake up properly.

Fuck. I apologize for this entry, I'm flying halfway across the world in about eight hours and I'm a little nervous and trying to mess up my sleep habits in anticipation for jet lag. It's an anxiety thing.

Pray that I'll have a safe and happy flight? Goodnights to y'all.

I'm going to fly to Hong Kong the day after tomorrow, 9:00 AM. I'm nervous. I dislike planes (I throw up lots on 'em) and I haven't been to that place since I was six...I'm 14, almost 15 now.

Yeah. I'm terrified. I dislike planes, partly because of aforementioned reasons and this paranoid fear that something might go wrong. But I suppose once I'm on the thing I'll be extremely *optimistic* about the plane. It's a nonstop flight, so maybe my fears may be alleviated, but I still think I'll throw up.

On the good side, I'm gonna buy a set of Fuwa plushies. Despite China/Beijing being a little not-so-nice about censorship and security. But I suppose they're trying.

I need to set aside a day where I can be free of my parents and go around as a boy. Like...do the chest binding thing, cross-dress, etc. Possible complications, though, I'd get kicked out of the "wrong" bathroom and I can't pee standing up. I think, after being mistaken for being male so many times, I want to go around and see how many people "mistake" me as female.

I'll find a chance, sometime, somewhere, somehow.

I'm another case of underage drinking.

La la la la la...cousin's wedding on Saturday. There was a bar and I somehow ended up with three drinks...strawberry daiquiri, black Russian, margarita...

Day aftaaar. Family reunion. Punch bowl. Alcoholic. some of that.

Today. people came over to my house. brought wine. glug...glug...glug...

I'm fine, I think, even though I can barely hold my alcohol usually. I have all these reports and presentations to prepare for, though, and I don't think I work too well when slightly inebriated.

Ah, the poison filter will work it out in meh.

There's all these sticky notes on my wall with symbols on them. I don't use words on my reminder notes...I have no idea what any of these things are. What's this thing that looks like a mutiliated padlock?

I can't decide if virginity is under- or over-rated. Personally, I don't care either way as far as myself goes, so long as I don't lose it to someone I don't care about. Actually...I don't care, I would just rather have sex with people whose name I know and actually like and am attracted to this person, and it's mutual.

I kinda feel bad calling this kid I know church-boy, but he looks and talks like one (emanating "lookit me! I'm a religious freak!"). No offense meant, really, genuinely.

My hair only looks good when it's a stylized total mess.

I'm going to HK in two weeks... oh noes

Fuck NATO and the Warsaw Pact, and mandatory history in high school.

I found this book my mom was reading...it's called the secret lives of teens or whatever. I have no idea if she's actually reading it or not.

A kick in the pants is needed if I am to work somewhat efficiently. Or a commission.

Liking art is different from respecting it...some people will call some messy landscape ugly, but it's about expression on the artist's part. If you really need to bash, just look at it and ask yourself "Could I possibly do anything like this?"

Oh my gosh, I've been blown away.

Has anybody seen The Dark Knight? You know, the batman movie?

Oh wow. I'm not sure if my heart's started up again.

...I'm gonna go get the defibrillator.

They're not! Really! Babies are so adorable and tiny and cute and huggy...

I mean, when they first pop out they're kinda funny looking, but once you get them cleaned up and their eyes open...wow.

I love babies...I want to have my own kids one day but I'm not sure how I'd pull that off, cause I don't wanna give birth.

I want my stupid eyebrow pierced. Now. Danged conservative parents.

But yeah. Babies i r not ugleh.