i wanna make a band called 'I F#&@ing Hate You.' yes, dingbats and all...

we'd only write angry songs about stupid things we're pissed off about. idiotic things like missing a train, or getting dumped by a date, or the morons on tv or in government class....

things like that.

I feel so skint.
It's like, I feel like I'm standing at the precipice of a great mountain screaming to the top of my lungs...and all around me are people who are in my life, not even paying attention or listening to my screams.

So tomorrow is Christmas. I don't know about anyone else, but this holiday season has seemed so slack. I mean, even my mom is lazy about decorating. We hardly did anything. My friends all think the same thing. It just doesn't feel like the holiday season this year.

So I did it again this weekend. I chickened out. I spent the weekend at her house again. I even took off work again yesterday to be with her longer. I can't believe this. I'm risking my job over a damn crush. No. Love. I can't get her out of my head. The way she lets me hold her when we're alone. Anyway. I was going to talk to her. Either that or I was just going to kiss her. I even started to ask her what she felt last weekend when I did kiss her. "Hey can I ask you somehting?" I said, speaking at a thousand km a second. "Last weekend at Teri's........Nevermind."